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All Ur Planet R Belong to Us 3 by PaulHanley All Ur Planet R Belong to Us 3 by PaulHanley

This is a story I submitted for Big Finish's SHORT TRIPS series last year. It didn't make the cut (obviously), so I thought I'd upload it in segments here with some illustrations to accompanty it, a la the old Doctor Who annuals.


Part 3

The TARDIS landed minutes later- materializing with its back directly in front of two massive glass doors. Evelyn stormed out but stopped with a surprised peep. She appeared to be standing on thin air. They were in a building made almost completely of glass, maybe three-hundred floors up. Thousands of office workers stared at her and the Doctor from above and below. She was suddenly very glad she chose to wear slacks that morning.

The clopping sound of plastic slippers on glass snapped Evelyn back to her immediate surroundings. They were in a spacious executive office with a beautiful view of Seattle stretching to their right. A scruffy-looking man in his 30s, dressed in Bermuda shorts and a bathrobe, walked toward them with a comical shrug.

"Dude- WTC?!"

Evelyn's brow crinkled at the unprecedented abbreviation. "W-T-C?"

"I'll explain later." the Doctor said, shutting the TARDIS door. "Evelyn, this is Axel Danziger- CEO of Brain2 LLC."

Danziger threw up a hand at the TARDIS. "OMCG, get that outta here, yo!"

Evelyn stared him down with a look more suited to a kindergarten teacher than a college professor. "You have a lot to answer for, young man."

Danziger backed up slightly before remembering himself. "Hey man, I got a whole army of ex-Navy SEALS out there- and they're gonna WTC PWN yer butts!"

Everyone turned their heads toward a disorderly rattling noise. It was coming from the two giant doors the TARDIS was parked against, where a platoon of black-armored security guards were making a confused and futile attempt to push them open from the other side.

"Oh." Danziger muttered.

Evelyn turned back to him, and he instinctively plopped into his swivel-chair like he'd just heard the class bell. She jutted an accusatory finger at him.
You've turned an entire generation into knowledgeable idiots."


"Intelligence isn't about knowing facts- it's how you evaluate them. It was bad enough in my day with Wikipedia- twenty papers every term with the same conclusions from the same footnotes! But-" She barely managed to stay calm, minding her heart condition. "You've turned learning into mindless, homogenized, incestuous trainspotting... and the entire human race into- into- a string of sausages!"

Danziger gawked at her with his mouth open, bewildered. Evelyn fell into an embarrassed silence and turned to the Doctor, hoping he'd rescue her- he was vastly more skilled with these sorts of speeches. She was annoyed to see he wasn't even listening. He was engrossed by a giant replica of the Mona Lisa hanging on a steel wall on the far end of the room.

"Doctor, would you like to join in?"

"Hmmm? Oh no, you're doing fine," the Doctor said, waving a dismissive hand over his shoulder. "I'm more interested in this."

"Uh... why?" Danziger said, sitting up a bit.

"An entire building made of glass, and you hang one picture against the one area that isn't transparent." The Doctor hooked his fingers under the edge of the frame and pulled. The painting swung away to reveal a large computer bank that looked indisputably alien and out of place. Danziger looked very nervous.

Evelyn shook her head. "That... might be the most appallingly cliched thing I've ever seen."

The Doctor nodded sideways at Danziger. "Told you it was a naff era." He ripped off an access panel and started shoving wires aside.

Danziger jumped up. "Whoa-whoa- hey, don't touch that!"

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Doctorwholovesthe80s Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Seattle? SWEET, not far from where I live!
tangerinewarning Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011   Photographer
This is just brilliant.

But I so would have loved to see a picture of Axel Danziger.

I can't think of any internet themed words to say, I am far more in the camp of the Sixth Doctor, we should enjoy the verbosity of the English language with its depth, breadth and scope, the marvellousness that is English, with its detail, its humour, its style, flair and scope! To boil such a language down to a few letters, it isn't just sacrilege, it's murder, thrust upon us as an imposition on the development of the world...

...I may have gone a little bit too Sixth Doctor there...
WimblesTheCreator Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011
I almost feel I have been inadvertently insulted, at least I hope it was inadvertent, oh well.

Are you a fan of the Sixth Doctor?
tangerinewarning Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011   Photographer
I meant no insult. I *really* couldn't (and still can't) think of any abbreviations internet-wise to use, they're something I very rarely use.

I'm a fan of all Doctors and like writing them. The Sixth Doctor is easy enough to write because you can make grand gestures (with words) and the verbosity of it sort of carries the character for you. With the Sixth Doctor it's easier because of this, you don't need to hit certain dialogue points for people to get the character.

With others I have to play on other things, the First Doctor's bumbling, the Second Doctor's dialogue like "there are terrors in the universe, they must be fought...", any dialogue between the Third Doctor and the Brigadier carries both characters off well. The Fourth Doctor is tricky to get the dialogue right and has more to do with framing his character with others and then bringing in the dialogue, the Fifth is breathless and eager, Seventh again with dialogue mirroring stuff like "I persuaded one half of the Dalek to coexist with the other side of the Dalek, the result; destruction." or even "there are worlds out there where the sky is burning..." and then on from there just go to town with dark manipulating reflective sort of stuff. The Eighth there's the repeating thing "Sam, Sam, Sam! That's it!" etc. Then onwards from there it becomes easier because more people will fill in the gaps of character. Write the accent for the Ninth with plenty of angst, the Tenth "smarty specks" etc and Eleventh has a lot of things to play on the dark calm, the angry bursts etc.
WimblesTheCreator Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
Very well thought out reply, a pleasure to read and my apolagise for what I typed. It is sometimes hard to tell how someone meant something and I assumed wrongly, again I apolagise.

As an added point, Eight is very good and very quick at lying when it is needed. Something I have grown fond of in his comic based adventures and the few audio stories I have heard.

[link] One of my favorite examples, luckly someone else liked it enough that they posted it on their Tumblr.
PaulHanley Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Professional
ITA (I totally agree). :D

We get a pic of Axel in the next installment. I actually pictured him as a futuristic version of Jeff Bridges in THE BIG LEBOWSKI when I was writing him, but wound up going with a really different look when it came time to draw him. Hmmm... I should probably get that next page uploaded!
WimblesTheCreator Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011
I believe the internet term is: MOAR!
PaulHanley Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011  Professional
Thanx. :)
WimblesTheCreator Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2011
Most welcome.
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Submitted on
June 17, 2011
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